Pantheon Syncretist Evangelion
by Tyler Marcoz
Summary: Shinji could have left Tokyo-3 when he was a was a child. He might have, eventually, had he not been given something worthwhile to stay for. Bonds are powerful things; perhaps enough to save humanity, or transform it. AU
1. First Grimoire, First Passage

Pantheon Syncretist**  
EVANGELION**

First Grimoire

The Lesser Key of Ikari

First Passage

"For God doth know that in what day soever you shall eat thereof, your eyes shall be opened: and you shall be as Gods, knowing good and evil."  
Genesis 3:5

][–][

_Pre-History :: Third Planet :: Approximately Four Billion Years BW (Before Wormwood)_

The worlds were not meant to be seeded by the two. One was the path set forth by those that came before, and one was the decree given to the guardians of those seeds. A clear instruction, set forth to prevent the rise of new ones who could match the mighty works of the old; a being possessing the gift of life and knowledge, of good and evil, and capable of surpassing those that came before. The old ones were to be the pinnacle, the height for all. The galaxy would be cast in their image, and theirs alone. This was how it was to be.

Yet fate was like a god unto itself, and even the plans of divinity seemed to pale in comparison to the whims up chance. They came as two, be it by fault or by whimsy, upon the same world. One of white came and settle, eager to seed the unshaped landscape with it's gifts. Yet the other back, a black falling star, to upset the white seed before it could even begin it's sacred quest. Dismay! Possibilities left undone, a chance for true divinity lost. Yet cries were deaf, and the white seed was flung from the world, yet trapped by it still.

A great danger to the decree of the old ones was thus born; the children of the black and of the white could produce something great and mighty, equal to the mighty old that had sent them forth. Yet the violence of the black seed's coming shattered the power of the guardians. In their place was left the three and the many, and the will was divided. The many were scattered, yet the three saw this as a boon; if they could not be one, than as many they might save the path still. It of the white seed demanded the rights allotted to it, yet the black seed could not be touched in full.

The accord was met, and the white seed was bound, yet the three could not do it in the fullness of themselves, for they were incomplete. And they said unto themselves, 'It will not last.' And the many cried out, raging against the impotence of their stature. The three chastised them, for their part had yet to come, and so they were silent and silence for a time. And the child of the white seed, craving what it had claimed, bound but not gagged, stretched out his voice to the world.

In time, it would listen.

][–][

_April, 2012 :: Geofront, Tokyo-3, Japan :: Central Dogma, NERV-1 :: 10 AW (After Wormwood)_

The SDAT player clicked softly as it shifted to the next track. Shinji sat, alone, in one of the many hallways that crossed the labyrinthine structure that was NERV-1. The entire Geofront was an amalgamation of new construction and older facilities, having absorbed both the United Nations Artificial Evolution Laboratories and the facilities of the late Gehirn organization along with newer, more pragmatic constructions that transformed the entirety of Tokyo-3 into a fortress-city and the Geofront into a military stronghold. Tokyo-3 was home to more than simply Nerv, though. It had become something of a science town, with numerous organizations both affiliated and rivaling to the primary occupant.

Secretly, of course, it served another purpose, but that was knowledge lost upon Shinji Ikari, son of Nerv's supreme commander as well as the head of the Nerv-1 branch, Gendo Ikari, and the late Yui Ikari, formerly the lead researcher for Nerv's science wing, and the predecessor organizations that came before it. He was allowed into the facilities largely based on nepotism, or so he thought. The machinations of his father were beyond him. To the younger Ikari, it was sufficient to say that his father cared little for him, and that was that.

Shinji enjoyed being alone. No, that was a lie. He did not enjoy being alone, but he hated being with others. When faced with two painful options it was only natural to take the one that hurt less. Being alone meant you didn't have to face people, who would leave or hurt. Shinji loved, sure, but that had done little to help him.

He loved his mother, but she was gone now. The details were sparse. It had been four years since it had happen, some lab accident that had stolen her away. Even before that, though, she was marked as much by her absence as she was by her love. He didn't doubt that she cared for him, but her work was so very important, he knew. He knew that, and he understood, but that didn't make it any easier to be told that you'd never see her again. To have run off to play and come back to find that your mother had been cast into the past tense.

He loved his father, but he was gone now too. Not in the same way his mother was, of course, but in a way it was worse. Shinji did not speak to his father; he hadn't done so for some time. They exchanged words every so often, but that wasn't speaking, not really. There was no substance, no meaning; words did not constitute the entirety of a conversation. When he spoke with his father, there was... nothing. Never the warmest of parents, Shinji found it hard now to remember anything good about his father. Their old home had become Shinji's private abode; Gendo rarely returned. That was fine, though. It was better to be alone.

Other people made it worse. When they knew about his situation they tended to attempt to console him, but it was so flat to Shinji. They didn't know what he'd lost, or what it was like. Even the ones who had lost someone close to them could only see it thorugh their own experiences. They projected their own feelings, their own loss, onto him. They didn't really care about Shinji, and they weren't trying to help him. Just themselves.

There were a few who cared, at least a little. Misato-san checked in on him, though she couldn't really cook or clean and Shinji wouldn't want her to anyway. She tried to get him involved, but she did't push him, and she made sure he was doing well in school. Shinji wasn't sure why, and he didn't really care. He did his best to not disappoint her too much, but her insistence he should get friends was often a bother. Friends? With who? They'd leave too, wouldn't they? She looked very sad after he'd told her that.

Shinji became aware quite suddenly that he was no longer alone. He'd picked this hallway because it was underutilized; Nerv-1's Geofront facility had grown so rapidly that there were many redundant hallways now, and as an organization prided on efficiency it was rare for certain ones to get much traffic. Thus, it was with great surprise that he looked up to find one Gendo Ikari standing their, expression on his face that Shinji couldn't quite place. What was that? Shinji's eyes fell beneath his father's gaze, settling instead on the other person that was with Gendo. Shinji's breath caught in his chest.

She was... different. Beautiful was a term that he was reluctant to use, as it wasn't quite accurate. Likewise, saying abnormal felt wrong, as if it was a negative. Pretty was too weak, though. And familiar, so very familiar... something about her, though he was quite certain he'd never seen the pale, blue haired, and red eyed girl before in his life. She was young, clearly around his age, yet seemed so... small and fragile, as if she was made of porcelain. She held onto his father's hand, partially hiding behind him as she peered around at Shinji, curious yet wary.

"Shinji," Gendo said, voice carrying the odd tone of finality it always seemed to these days. Shinji waited a moment, and then pushed himself up. He was still short, coming up only to his father's chest. It was to be expected for a ten-year old, perhaps, but Shinji wondered if he'd ever really stop being looked down upon by his father.

"This is Rei," he continued, apparently not caring to wait for any other acknowledgment from his son, "Rei Ayanami. She is very important."

"Important?" Shinji murmured, confused to no end; his father barely spoke to him, let alone sought him out. What was this?

"Yes, very much so," Gendo continued, shifting his arm to force Rei to reveal herself more. Her clothes were simple, utilitarian even. The young girl seemed to be taking everything in, as if she'd never seen another child before. Something about her struck a cord in Shinji, though. He found himself... drawn. It was odd, eerie even. It was...

"She is important to me, and she was very important to your mother, as well."

"Mother..."

Shinji and Rei stared at each other for a moment. Unconsciously, Shinji found himself smiling. Her own expression turned to confusion, before tentatively returning the boy's expression. Shinji didn't notice the subtle shifts in his father, hidden beneath his orange glasses and years of practice.

"I need someone to look after her, Shinji," Gendo said, releasing Rei's hand as he did. Shinji turned to look up at his father, strange expression crossing the younger Ikari's face.

"I'll do it," he said, softly. And then, Gendo smiled. It was small, more of a smirk, really, but still, a smile. Shinji looked away, attempting to not focus too much on the warmth that welled up inside him; he had no reason to be so happy at that gesture. He extended his hand, offering it to Rei.

"I'll look after you, Rei."

She stared at the hand for a moment, cheeks tinting rosy for a moment, and then took it. She said only one thing.

"Alright."

And it was.

][–][

_March, 2019 :: Geofront, Tokyo-3, Japan :: Central Dogma, Command Center, NERV-1 :: 17 AW (After Wormwood)_

The cliff disintegrated, taking with it the company of Type 10 tanks that had been positioned upon it. Moments before there had been a nested line of main battle tanks from the United Nations Armed Forces, part of the massive defensive line set up by the UN at the behest of the Japanese government. It was an armed force composed of the best equipment and training from all the member nations, taking mostly after it's largest component pieces from the United States and the nation-states that made up the European Union, but also drawing from the limited arsenals of the other member nations. In many ways it was a travesty that they had been deployed in such a manner; tanks were, after all, a weapon for maneuvering wars, rather than the fixed emplacements they'd been turned into. Not that there was much to maneuver here; the foe was like no army ever seen before on earth.

The company of tanks, a unit on loan from the Japanese Strategic Self-Defense Force had done their job, though. They had stood their ground in the face of an unknown terror and had, on command, unleashed the full fury of their weaponry upon the target. They had been joined by longer range fire from artillery further back in the defensive plan. Rockets and artillery fire had joined their main guns in the cacophony that sought to end the foe in one unprecedented conflagration The barrage had lasted only seconds, yet in that period millions in ordnance had been unleashed.

None of it got through. The foe, a colossal beast of black armored with a heavy carapace. Its entire upper body was coated in ossific plates, and the ground trembled as it strode forth, uninhibited by the human's display, low-slung head sweeping back and forth. Then, it simply raised an arm and swept it across the lines of defense, single eye twinkling with a malice that seemed impossible for such a visage; one large orb surrounded by four equally spaced smaller ones, with red bone growths that made the entire thing look like the top half of an alien skull. The red core situated in the center of it's head pulsed. For the tanks that had stood so valiantly in the face of an alien power they could barely fathom, the world became hell. The blast rent the ground and transformed what was left into smoking glass.

The beast strode forth. The Air Force moved to intercept, a mix of VTOL units and fixed-wing strike craft. Distantly, hidden beneath the earth, Gendo Ikari watched as the creature moved and gestured, striking the offending aircraft from the sky. The creature seemed to have gone from devastating lines to a more personal touch, striking craft individually. It would raise an arm, each one ending in a hand that was a mockery of the human form, and lash out. Each finger was a blade, with the pointer being one as long as the arm itself.

"Manifesting the AT field as a weapon; such raw power..." Fuyutsuki said, the more expressive shadow of Gendo Ikari finding himself caught between terror and awe. It was, in a great and terrible way, a magnificence sight; a being so powerful it could manipulate it's own soul for ends beyond fathom. The numbers ran through his mind; Fuyutsuki was, after all, a professor of metaphysical biology. He had written books on the nature of the AT field and had been a leading voice in the field for years. To be faced with the reality of it, however, was far different than the theoretical realms he was used to.

"It would seem that the Dead Sea Scrolls were wrong in both form and temperament," Gendo said, adjusting his glasses. He glanced, watching as the UN military officials made fools of themselves. They had taken up residence in Nerv-1's command room, which suited Gendo enough. It meant a shorter time when they finally got around to giving him official license to deploy. Not that he wouldn't do so even if they had chosen not to, but it was easier for him if he worked within the official channels, if only for now.

"Agreed; Weyer' writings said as much would be so. It would seem we were wise to adopt his classifications, then."

"Malphas, he who tears down the works of others," Gendo said, an odd tone in his voice betraying the unease he felt. It was faint, so small that even Kozo almost missed it. "It seems wrong for such a being to be ruled by such base emotions."

Fuyutsuki eyed his former student for a moment, unable to pierce the haze that surrounded the commander despite years of familiarity. Gendo was, particularly after the death of his wife, and enigma even to his closest confidants. That was, if Gendo truly had any confidants; Kozo had come to the quiet conclusion that Gendo shared his true mind with no one but himself. Gendo had chosen the path of the pariah, in order to become a messiah.

"Soon," Gendo said suddenly, breaking the sub-commander out of his momentary revere. Fuyutsuki said nothing, glancing down to see the three generals continue their impotent rage. One the screen, the creature unfurled two long spines from it's back that suddenly glowed with power, a field of energy forming into two darkly luminous wings as the creature launched itself into the sky to scatter another formation of aircraft. Gendo watched for a moment and then adjusted his glasses, activating one of the buttons on the console in front of him. It was nearly time.

][–][

_March, 2019 :: Geofront, Tokyo-3, Japan :: Central Dogma, Eva Cage 00, NERV-1 :: 17 AW (After Wormwood)_

She breathed it in deep, letting the hyper-nutritious soup termed LCL flow through her, supplying her with all she required. The liquid, yet another miracle material in a project full of miracles and improbabilities, was the one she was perhaps most familiar with; she was at home in LCL, at peace. The other pilot was less inclined, having quipped more than once that he couldn't stand the taste. It tasted like blood to him, he said. Rei had disagreed. To her, it tasted like life.

Rei adjusted herself in the plug, stretching out for a moment before settling back in to her seat. She felt restless, as if her skin was crawling. It was not the suit, she knew; plugsuits hugged the body like nothing else could, providing an uneasy feeling of being both clothed and nude at the same time. However, she had long adjusted to such feelings. Still, she could not help but shake the alien feel that swept over her as she waited. They had come, just as He had said they would. Now, her purpose would be fulfilled. Perhaps after that, she would be...

"Rei."

"Commander Ikari," she said with a soft smile, but her words were more halting. The small rectangle showing the commander's face had been unexpected, but that was not the reason she almost jumped.

"Are you nervous?"

"No, Commander Ikari, just... eager," she lied; he smiled at her, but she could tell he caught her falsehood. He said nothing about it.

"Be ready, it will be time soon."

"Yes, Commander Ikari."

The screen faded, and Rei sighed in the plug. The waiting, she couldn't stand the waiting. So much of her life had been waiting, at least until.

"Rei."

She smiled again, unease fleeing from her mind as she saw the picture displayed on the side of her plug. He smiled back, but his unease was obvious; he never was very good at hiding his emotions.

"Shinji," she said.

"Rei, are you alright in there?"

Shinji stared at the small rectangular screen, trying to analyze the girl from what little he could see. Rei's plugsuit, a suit of white with accents of orange much like the unit she was assigned to pilot, hardly even bothered him anymore; he'd seen her in it so much that it became a non-factor to the young man. Her face is what he focused on, though that wasn't always the easiest either; Rei had come a long way from her early days, buts he remained so very hard to read for the younger Ikari. How much that was her and how much that was simply him was up for debate, and Shinji tended to err on the side of his own deficiency, as was his nature.

The more accurate choice was that Rei was even now very hard to read. She sat, smiling honestly at the fact that Shinji would take the time to talk to her, rather ignoring that he had little else to do sitting in the pilot staging area; nominally, he was on standby given the state of emergency, but without a unit for him to pilot that was little more than a formality. Still, Rei found his concern to be a buoy to her spirits, and let her unease flow away.

"I am fine, thank you," she replied, smiling a bit more as she watched his visible relief. The reprieve was brief, however, as a second box overlaid Shinji's and blocked him from view. The elder Ikari's more stern face replaced his son's, and Rei simply seemed to know what was coming next.

"Rei. It is time."

"I understand."

And she did. The commander's face faded from view, leaving only Shinji's now more worried expression. Unit 00 was already beginning to move into position, though Rei had pushed out all the chatter from the command room from her mind; it was not important. She took slow, deep breaths, trying to steady her rapidly beating heart. When had that happened? Her chest felt, briefly, like it would explode.

"Rei," Shinji said, the single word helping bring the young girl back down, she glanced over again, small smile forming again on his face, "Be careful. Good luck."

The Unit 00 shot upwards.

][–][

March, 2019 :: Tokyo-3, Japan :: City Outskirts :: 17 AW (After Wormwood)

Rei snapped the handgun up and sent off another trio of rounds at the foe. The gun, part of a hastily shipped package of Evangelion enhancement parts, appeared very much like an oversized pistol, though the internal workings shared more with a tank's main gun than any personal armament. It's rounds where high-explosive squash-head, designed to blast away at defenses. With little information on what sort of foe the Evangelion would face, designs were made for gear that would be useful against an Evangelion itself, in hopes that the foe would share enough similarity for such weapons to be effective. As a result, when the Second Demon arrived in a form that was at least vaguely similar to the unit produced to fight it, it was to the relief of many. This, however, had proven somewhat premature.

The rounds seemed to impact a wall that wasn't there, exploding and failing to make any headway against the foe's A.T. field. The beast, though clearly affected by from the UN forces desperate employment of a heavy N2 mine, seemed very unperturbed by the rounds. Unit 00 danced from cover to cover, evading the blasts it conjured through it's evil eye. The surrounding city was not doing quite as well; Rei had little time to think about property damage, and the beast known as Malphas seemed to care only for destruction. That odd and base desire only served to help the Evangelion, as it made the beast predictable, to a point. However, a predictable foe you could not harm was little better than one knew nothing about.

Rei ducked right as a blast incinerated the spot she had been standing. She brought up the shield, another part of the hastily deployed provisional gear designed for the Evangelion. A flat plane, it seemed very much like a riot shield, with the addition of a number of ball-turrets along it's perimeter. Too small to harm the foe even if Rei could get past it's damned field, they were intended more for close-in defenses; a double aegis of protection. The shield itself had proven useful to her, but the turrets were mostly melted off by now.

How long had she been fighting? She was panting, she realized; when had she become so tired? Spinning behind another building she ejected the magazine from the weapon, retrieved a replacement from the inside of the shield and slid it into place. It was mostly out of reflex; the blasts did seem to at least shake the foe. Or maybe that was just in her mind. She let out a long breath, forcing herself to calm.

"Rei," someone said, and with it the chatter from the command center came filtering back in. She ignored it, focusing only on her tactical commander's words.

"Colonel Katsuragi, the target does not seem to be affected by my ranged weapon."

"Yeah, we've noticed," she said with a sigh, "Ritsuko says that you're going to have to get in close and neutralize it's AT field."

"I understa-"

"But she'll be a sitting duck then!"

Rei's breath caught in her throat. Shinji's face was frantic on the screen; the implications of close combat with something like that... thing.

"Remove communications access to the pilot from staging room," a third voice said, one that Rei also knew quite well.

"Father, you can-"

Shinji's face disappeared abruptly, replaced by that of his father. The ever-stern Gendo Ikari had assumed his favored stance.

"Rei, you will advance and neutralize the target, do you understand?"

"Yes," she replied softly, and forced Shinji's face from her mind. She hefted the shield and darted from her cover. The beast was on her in an instant, and Rei staggered under the blast. Her shield melted and warped, but she pushed on through it. She ignored the frenzied cries from the command center that shouted out the damage; it did not matter. She had to do her duty. She was silent as she drove the Evangelion forward. Unit 00 slammed into the invisible wall of force. Rei forced her own field outward, pushing against the target. The paired shields shimmered for a moment, failing just as Malphas raised his hand and grabbed at the Eva's shield.

Rei felt the pain shoot through her arm as Malphas' bladed fingers sliced through the already weakened shield and pierced arm of the Evangelion. She fought to ignore the pain, rapidly firing her pistol. The high-explosive shells slammed into the foe, detonating across it's body. The repeating blasts threw the units apart from a moment, but Rei gave no respite to the foe. She tossed the pistol away, small compartment on the Evangelion's hip snapping open. Rei yanked the prototype progressive knife from it's sheath with her right, intact arm and rushed forward. She swept her left arm to knock Malphas arms away, wincing as the pain shot through her. Throwing her entire self at the foe, she slammed hyper-vibrating knife deep into the foe's face. Malphas let out a low, rumbling roar, like that of a deep trumpet, as the blade cut in. For a moment the Evangelion and demon stood, glowing sparks flying off the contact point, and then the core gave way, cracks spreading off like a spiderweb just before it shattered.

Cut off from contacting her, Shinji watched in horror as the beast seemed to morph and shift, chest opening up like some colossal maw of bone. The dying beast latched onto Unit 00. Time seemed to stop. Then it exploded.

And he screamed.

][–][

_September, 2016 :: Tokyo-3, Japan :: Central Dogma, NERV-1 :: 14 AW (After Wormwood)_

"You bastard!"

Gendo Ikari stopped. A glance behind him revealed his young son, hands balled into fists and a look of selfless anger cut cross his face. Shinji cut an odd figure. The young boy, only just fourteen years old, wore the khaki unform of NERV fairly well; he nominally served as Misato's aid, but in reality spent more time as the handler, for lack of a better term of Rei. She was inexperienced, at best, in the ways of the world, and Shinji was a great assistance, be it either helping her cook or shop, or with schoolwork and the like. He served nominally as a protector, but that was more the area of responsibility for the members of Nerv's Security and Intelligence branches. Regardless, he was a part of the organization, officially and on the records.

As a result, he was forced to take the very same physical tests that the rest of NERV were forced to; they were, after all, a paramilitary organization. The results were that he had built up something of a figure; nothing big, but enough to fill out the uniform and keep him from looking too patently ridiculous. Gendo knew quiet well the boy was in decent shape, and also that he was a surprisingly good shot; all members of Nerv were required to qualify with the basic weapons of the organization, but Shinji showed an odd aptitude for it at times.

To Gendo, though, he remained nothing but a a child. This outburst, though, was something of a surprised; he had not expected it so soon.

"You put her in that thing constantly and it's taking everything she's got," Shinji continued, whole body shaking as he did. "She's missing school and hurting, and can't you see you're going to kill her if you keep this up!"

"She's not dead yet," Gendo said. Shinji sucked in breath as if the wind had been knocked out of him. His father's suddenly reply had caught him off guard, and what he'd said only more so. "She has a duty; there is no one else."

"Then let me do it!"

Silence overtook the hallway except for Shinji's heavy breathing, the two Ikari locked eye to eye. Gendo's expression never changed. He turned to face the boy, keeping his gaze level all the while. A test, a small test. Shinji kept his eyes, staring back with a determination that, on some level, impressed Gendo. So be it. The elder Ikari turned to his compatriot, Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki and nodded. The white-haired man raised an eyebrow, but quickly retrieved a phone from his pocket.

"You will report to Dr. Akagi tomorrow morning, then," Gendo said finally, and then he turned on his heels and left. Shinji was left, staring at the retreating form of his father. What had happened? What had just happened? The sudden realization hit him, eyes opening wide. He broke into a sprint, running down the halls. Rei... he had to find Rei and tell her that...

][–][

_May, 2017 :: Tokyo-3, Japan :: Tokyo-3 First Municipal High School :: 15 AW (After Wormwood)_

"Rei," Shinji said, causing the young, blue haired girl to turn her gaze from the window. She smiled wide as he approached.

"Shinji-kun," she said excitedly, causing him to chuckle embarrassingly; she was always so happy to see him, it seemed, even if they saw each other nearly every day, even more so after Shinji had managed to work his way into the piloting program for Project E. At first exasperated, Ritsuko Akagi had grown somewhat fond of having two pilots; it helped with data collect, that much was sure. Still, Shinji lagged behind Rei, and that had regulated him to backup status for Unit 00, not that he really understood or ever expected to have to use the thing. He was just happy to lighten his friend's load. After all, he was already at NERV anyway; he might as well make himself useful.

Rei was doing much better now; she was doing better in school and socially too, and even her performances and ratios had improved, which further made Dr. Akagi happy. Although a year younger, she was so far ahead in class that she made most of the rest look bad. If it wasn't for her, how to say, social hiccups she would likely have been amongst the most popular kids in class. As it was, however, she remained a part of Shinji's small clique.

"Ready for lunch?" he asked, causing her to nod earnestly. His smile widened; he really did enjoy to see her so happy. She stood up, straightened her school uniform and joined Shinji on his way to the regular spot. The others were already there; Kensuke and Toji were engaged in some random discussion that the former seemed far more animated about, while Hikari watched with a slightly amused expression. Hikari waved to Shinji and Rei as they approached, and Rei was all to eager to return it. For their part, Kensuke and Toji seemed to abandon whatever discussion they where having as the pair approached.

It was the daily ritual; Shinji brought lunch for Rei and himself and they'd eat it with their friends. Kensuke and Toji were Shinji's friends from his early days, mostly brought on by Kensuke's adoration of Shinji being a part of NERV, while Toji was just along due to his friendship with Kensuke. Regardless, Shinji now counted both of them as friends, and had for some time. Hikari, on the other hand, was Toji's girlfriend, another thing that had been going on for some time. She was also one of Rei's few girl friends, a fact that Shinji was thankful for; Rei still hadn't gotten past many of her awkward habits, and seemed completely lost on even the most simple of things.

"Ah, Shinji! Rei! I was wondering where you two were," Hikari said, setting her bento aside for a moment. Shinji set his bag down and unzipped it, retrieving a pair of boxed lunches from it.

"I had to get some papers from the teacher," Shinji said, glancing over to Rei as he did. Kensuke chuckled.

"Yeah, that explains Rei too; the cute girl waiting for her man," he said with a snicker, causing both of the people in question to blushed.

"H-hey, it's not like that! I've known her forever! Rei's like my sister, that's just weird!" Shinji said defensively, unsure why the thought seemed to strike such a wrong cord in his head. Rei hiccuped slightly as she ate a bit of rice from her lunch. Shinji looked back with concern.

"Yeah, well maybe you're a siscon then," Kensuke added with a mischievous laugh. Shinji's cheeks were burning. It wasn't like that at all! He just...

][–][

_March, 2019 :: Tokyo-3, Japan :: Central Dogma, NERV-1 :: 17 AW (After Wormwood)_

He had to be sure she was alright. More than anything, more than anything at all in this forsaken world, he just had to be sure she was alright. Shinji was running, ignoring burn for being in an all out sprint, and the pain in his shoulder from having slammed into more than a few walls as he failed to negotiate sharp corners; the plugsuit was good for piloting but it's traction left something to be desired and it gave nothing in the way of ankle support or foot padding. Still, he ignored his sore shoulders and screaming feet. It didn't matter; nothing he felt would compare to what she was feeling. He knew it; he just knew she was hurting.

"Shinji!" Misato yelled after him, but he ignored it and kept running. They'd gotten Rei out of the entry plug and wheeled her off faster than Shinji could get out of the staging area. The commander had remained silent, despite Shinji's frantic ranting. Eventually, Gendo simply shut off the communication, stood from his position overlooking the command center and left; he had business to attend to; no time to listen to the ranting of a child.

Misato, on the other hand, saw things differently. The Lieutenant Colonel had spent years as Shinji's de facto guardian, as well as his immediate superior in NERV. The seventeen-year old was no child, and hadn't been for some time. As she watched Shinji run, she wasn't sure if he was acting as a friend, lover, or a big brother; clarity of relationships was not her strong suit. Whatever the cause, it was clear enough that he would stop at nothing till he found Rei.

He had to make sure she was alright. He HAD to. That bond, it demanded it of him.  
There was nothing else.

][–][

_March, 2019 :: Unknown Location :: 17 AW (After Wormwood)_

"The Dead Sea Scrolls have been countermanded; it is as Weyer predicted."

"The works of Ostanes concur with the abilities presented; evidence has been sufficiently given."

"It is agreed, then. Our foresight has been rewarded."

The Chairman at in silence as his fellows of the council spoke; the conversation was incidental and irrelevant anyway. They all knew the facts of the matter, and they all knew what would occur. It had been thousand years that the Dead Sea Scrolls had found wanting, and there were no shortage of sources of updated, if often corrupted, information. To some, this corruption would be sign that there was an original source that was being used and modified. The council, however, knew the truth of it; prophecy was a shell game, and this time it was, at best, unreliable. The future was changing. So, with it, humanity would change as well. That was their pledge.

"We will accelerate our plans," the Chairman said at last. His words commanded silence; they were instructions, statements, not suggestions. Thus was the way of the council. "Production must increase; the Dead Sea Scrolls promised a steady pace, but we will receive no such respite here. Everything is different now."

"The demon known as Malphas inflicted serious damage to the Zeroth," Three said, voice hidden behind several layers of masking that removed even the ability to determine gender from the sound, "How soon can we deploy the Firsts?"

"The two in Japan are unable to activate them," Four said, voice softer, yet equally unknown, "The light of their souls does not match, despite their bond. He produces results, but not enough; she cannot move it at all."

"Then it is as expected; the Lied Initiative must proceed," Five interjected, earning a moment of silence from the council. It was Two who broke it.

"Is that wise? Those 'teufling' are dangerous," they said, use of the german slang betraying their origin for the briefest of moments. "Apart, they can be controlled, together..."

"They were raised for this purpose," Three countered, "Harmony must be achieved for the Firsts to be of any use; the Second will not suffice on it's own, and the others are not yet ready."

"Send her," the Chairman said, and the debate was over, "The cambion must be used; they are the path to the Human Syncretism Project. They will play the part assigned to them."

The pillars faded; such a proclamation was a final call and there was no more to discussion. Keel remained in darkness, visored face hiding closed eyes. It would be so; they had spent so long preparing it to be. The accord was coming to an end, and it was time for man to make their own path.

Or, rather, the path that he had chosen for them.

"Thus I have wrote it," he said quietly, words drifting into the darkness, "And thus it shall be. The ultimate fulfillment of Babel. At long last, men shall be as gods."

"And," a soft voice said from behind, obscured in the darkness. Chairman Keel remained seated, expression hardening, "Gods shall be as men."


	2. First Grimoire, Second Passage

Pantheon Syncretist  
**EVANGELION**

First Grimoire

The Lesser Key of Ikari

Second Passage

"Grief in the heart of a man shall bring him low, but with a good word he shall be made glad."  
Proverbs 12:25

][–][

_March, 2019 :: Berlin, Germany :: UN Specially Partitioned Zone, NERV-3, Command Section :: 17 AW (After Wormwood)_

Nerv-3 was located inside of Berlin, specifically in part of the city that had been leased by the United Nations Joint Forces. Similar in many ways to the old United States military bases of old, the territory was nominally German, but held joint jurisdiction between the host nation and the stationed forces. It had, originally, been outside of Berlin proper, but the city's rapid growth following the Wormwood Impact led to it being swallowed up and surrounded on all sides by new growth.

Berlin had exploded following the impact, what with the rise in sea levels and climate shift that made a number of coastal locations no longer viable. Moreover, it was one of the most heavily defended cities in the world, and the tensions following the impact made that a very attractive feature for a place to settle down. The rapid military growth in the area also meant that more jobs were needed to support it; growth beget growth, and Berlin nearly doubled in size as a result. It was a bustling, industrial super-city now, a sprawling metropolis that was, in many ways, the complete opposite of both Tokyo-3's meticulous planning or the New Babylon arcology's wide-eyed idealism.

Inside the city, and inside the UN Zone, Nerv's third branch, known as the Tyre Base, was abuzz with activity. The coming of the Second Demon, known as Malphas, had whipped the entire world into a frenzy. Alexander Langley, the Commander of Nerv-3, knew quite well that there was no known reason for the demons to come anywhere near Berlin, but that didn't stop him from following the instructions to be on alert, regardless. However, this was not the only reason the facility was in high status. They had to get their shipment ready, after all; it had come down not a day before that they were shipping off both a pilot and parts for use by Nerv-1.

Alexander Langley was a very self-aware person, knowing full well his place in the world and the pecking order there of. A tall, handsome, and exceptionally eloquent person, he knew even then that he was a small fish in a big pond compared to most of the talent inside the organization. Nominally speaking, as the Commander for Nerv's third branch, he was a supposed equal to Gendo Ikari, at least partially; Gendo was both the supreme leader of Nerv as a whole, as well as the commander of the first branch. Thus, in part, Langley was at least equal to Gendo, or at least supposedly so. The reality, however, was different. In reality, it was widely perceived that he was more in line with Sub-Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki, but without the direct line to Commander Ikari that brought him back a step. Alexander, however, knew this was far different than reality.

Yes, Alexander was very self aware. He knew that Lieutenant-Colonel Katsuragi could overrule him on any matter of tactics or deployment, and he knew that Doctor Akagi the Younger could overrule him on any matter of research or development. Alexander Langley knew quite well he had essentially two jobs, and only two jobs: make sure the day to day function of Nerv-3 continued unabated, and apply his admittedly considerable skill as a diplomat to sooth and placate the Germany government whenever Gendo did something they weren't happy with.

For example, ordering that the top pilot for Germany's Nerv branch be transferred to Japan. The pilot that had clocked in the most hours in any of the machines, who had literally helped rewrite the operating code for sections of the Production Model Evangelion. The pilot who was, by all measures, a prodigy. Of Nerv-3's two assigned pilots she did not have the highest sync ratio, at least not constantly.; indeed, her ratio was volatile, often fluctuating wildly. In a way, though, this served her well; she seemed, for lack of a better term, 'in-sync' with the machine despite what her ratio would say, capable of driving it to maneuver and perform in ways that seemed alien to the design. She was a true prodigy, showing natural talent for piloting that marked her as the top pick.

And Gendo Ikari was taking her. Langley found this, in and of itself, not entirely an unsavory turn of events, even as much as he disliked the man. He was, after all, a very self-aware person and knew himself well enough to know that he was a very bad father. Every time he saw her, he saw Her. And She was something he would prefer not to think about, particularly because his position gave him a perfectly high enough security clearance to know just what had happened to his wife. Alexander wondered if he might have acted differently had their volatile romance gone on. God knows that his marriage was even less stable than his wife. Still, he was caught in that infatuation that never ran it's full course; she was there one day, and gone the next, and left behind was a smaller version, one that had her mother's hair and her father's eyes, and a temperament that took the worst excesses of both.

He loved her, and he also hated her, because she was a poignant reminder of the past he never seemed to escape. So, on a personal level, he was quite alright with shipping his daughter off to Japan, even knowing that Nerv-1 was somewhere you never really came back from. He was a bad father for that, he knew, but there were a million of those in the world; what was one more. However, the nature of his position meant she was more than a daughter to him. She was also an asset. She was something that he, the commander, was as loath to lose as he, the bad father, was eager to be rid of. As much as he wished her to be gone so that he might wallow in his pity on his own, he also knew she was the best at what she did. With her gone, he would be forced to rely on the alternative. It was another unfortunate side-effect of his clearance that he knew exactly what said alternative was as well; he loathed Fourth Child even more than he loathed his daughter; he loathed him even more than he loathed himself.

It was for this reason that he took perhaps a mildly sadistic amount of joy from breaking the news to him.

"I see," Hibiki said with a frown, "So it is true; they're sending Asuka away, then."

"Yes," Alexander said adjusting his tie. He had quite literally run into the secondary pilot for Evangelion Unit 02 while attempting to find Nerv-3's research lead and get an update on the shipping preparations. Still, it was perhaps fortuitous; he would have to speak with the boy sooner or later. Best get it over with now. "I know you are close, but it is simply the way of things; you will assume primary pilot duties for Unit 02."

Alexander stopped himself before he added a contemptuous 'for now,' to the end. It didn't seem necessary, of course; Hibiki always seemed to pick up on things unsaid. It was one of the many things that Alexander hated about the boy. Behind those placid, calm and unnatural red eyes was cold and calculating mind, one far sharper than any eighteen-year old had a right to be. Still, the Fourth Child seemed unperturbed, letting only the slightest twitch at the corner of his mouth betray his mind.

First Lieutenant Hibiki Shikanami, the designated Fourth Child, was an excellent pilot and an exceptional subordinate; he followed orders, held a remarkable high and stable sync ratio with Unit 02, and his positive, cheerful, if sometimes headstrong demeanor endeared him to almost everyone in the organization. He was handsome and intelligent. Some had made comparisons to the Commander, something that Alexander privately hated. Physically they shared only their hair color, and even that was a split; Alexander's was a more subdued auburn, while Hibiki's seemed almost to glow orange. Where Alexander showed marks of Anglo-Saxon heritage (his family was more American than German, after all,) Hibiki was decidedly East Asian. Indeed, officially he was a distant cousin to the late Doctor Soryu. Alexander knew the truth was slightly different.

"I wonder how Asuka-chan will take that," Hibiki said. It was spoken in such a way as if he was simply thinking out loud. The red-haired, red-eyed young man let out a soft sigh. "Does she know yet?"

"She has not been briefed yet," Langley replied, "Though I'm sure it has gone through the grapevine."

"Then, shall I go speak with her?"

Alexander paused; the tone was that of a question, but the commander knew full well it was more of a statement. He frowned, but nodded.

"Yes, that may be best," he said. She did, after all, idolize her surrogate 'brother.' It saved him from having to speak with her as well, though he would be unsurprised if she hunted him down to demand to know the particulars before long, and assure him that she'd 'make her papa proud.' Alexander's frown grew at the thought. To his credit, Hibiki said nothing about it.

"Ah, commander," the Fourth said, stopping himself as he turned away, "I have one question. I have heard quite a bit about Second Child. I was curious if you knew anything more about him, though?"

"Why, are you worried?" Alexander said, actually somewhat amused by the question. Hibiki's exact bond to the Third Child was something of a mystery. She idolized him, and he seemed to mostly treat her like a little sister, abet perhaps overly affectionate at times. It was curious, as well, given Asuka's brash but indirectly subservient personality was inverted in Hibiki's quiet but headstrong nature.

"I wouldn't be. Last I heard, the younger Ikari was as docile as could be."

][–][

_March, 2019 :: Geofront, Tokyo-3, Japan :: NERV-1, Training Section :: 17 AW (After Wormwood)_

The sound of the rifle echoed in the closed space as Shinji rapidly pulled on the trigger. The rounds tore through the target, perforating it with round after round. It was not clean, nor was it pretty; the groups were sloppy, and it showed that Shinji was more intent on putting holes in the target than he was about shot placement. It was angry, violent shooting. He felt the weapon go click, and yet still pulled a number of times, as if to be sure. His breathing became the only sound, deep and heavy gulps of air. He felt better now, much better.

Shinji set the rifle down, removed the magazine and set it aside. Absently, he glanced to the side, realizing that it was suddenly very quiet. What he found was a line of people staring at him with a mix of worried and bemused expressions, causing his face to flush with embarrassment. What? He had just needed to blow off some steam. He stepped back for a moment, looking at the distant paper target and it's fifty widely-spread holes. Ok, perhaps he had gone a bit... crazy for a moment.

The young pilot picked up the spent magazine and slid it into the slot on the magazine rack located on his left thigh, picking up the rifle at port arms and headed back for the armory; that was enough for today. Slowly, the others on the range simply shrugged, and the sounds of gunfire again erupted in the range as various personnel got their training time in.

Nerv was, of course, a paramilitary organization. Although technically outside the military command structure of any specific host nation or even the UN Joint Forces, they still had their own military structure and requirements, much like any other military would. These requirements included a certain level of physical fitness, with the specific test based on that of the North American Air Force, and at least a basic level of weapons proficiency. All Nerv personnel were expected to be nominally proficent in both the FN Five-seveN, known in Nerv vernacular as the Type 13 after it's year of adoption, as well as the AR57, or Type 14, a variant of the now venerable AR15 design of Eugene Stoner, still used in a number of roles and varieties by many countries even now. Both the rifle and handgun used by Nerv fired a small, fast round designed for penetrating soft body armor, the FN 5.7x28mm. Both were notable for having a very high capacity; twenty round for the handgun, and fifty for the carbine.

Technically, the Nerv armories were well-stocked beyond those two, not even counting the various barrel-length variants of the AR57 that they used, but heavier ordnance was reserved for the Nerv Security division. Nearly all of the personal weapons used by Nerv were produced by Belgian arms company Fabrique Nationale d'Herstal, or FN Herstal for short. Even the AR57, a weapon technically not from the company, still utilized parts, magazines, and ammunition from the Belgian arms company. This was, of course intentional. From a logistics standpoint, one arms maker and one type of ammunition for both the rifle and pistol made sense.

Lieutenant-Colonel Katsuragi hadn't been so sure. Personally favoring German arms, as was standard for the United Nations forces as well as a number of the regional defense forces. She had been vetoed by Commander Ikari himself who directed Nerv to both invest in FN as well as acquire arms through them. His public reasoning was sound; Nerv did not (at least officially) send out armed teams. The handguns and rifles were, nominally, for defensive purposes only. The Nerv facilities were largely hallways and smaller rooms, meaning a full-size round was unnecessary as engagement ranges, god-forbid, would be beyond close. The large capacity allowed for personnel to hold out longer until more well-equipped and trained response forces from outside could respond to any threat. Gendo Ikari's desire to allow his personnel to 'hold out longer' had deeper implications, of course, but it was taken at face value to most.

Regardless, each personnel belonging to Nerv was required to be proficient with the weapons, which included pilots. At seventeen, Shinji was by far amongst the youngest members of Nerv, as was expected for pilots. However, he still fell under the restrictions given he held the rank of Chief Warrant Officer, and was expected to qualify on the weapons as a result. He was not a great shot, really, a fact he mostly attributed to him simply being not that great at things. The reality was that his training as a pilot tended to make the weapons feel odd to him compared to their much larger cousins utilized by the Evangelions. Still, he passed, and he found a strange, calming quality in shooting, making a point to do so as often as he could. Part of him felt a bit odd to vent in such a way, but Misato had simply laughed and said she wasn't so different, and that had settled that, at least to her.

Shinji went through the process of clearing the weapons and turned them in, suddenly very unsure of himself; he had calmed a bit, though only barely. Rei was still hospitalized, sleeping more often than not. Shinji was still angry, and there was still absolutely nothing he could do about it. He let out a long sigh and headed for the exit. He had to find something to do, something to keep busy. That is what Misato had said too; keep busy. He just had to keep busy.

Before he did something very stupid...

][–][ _March, 2019 :: Geofront, Tokyo-3, Japan :: Central Dogma, NERV-1, Command Section :: 17 AW (After Wormwood)_

It had been said by some that amateurs talked about tactics, while professionals study logistics. This little statement meant far more to Gendo Ikari than one might think; it defined much of how he functioned, and how he planned. Indeed, Gendo Ikari was a master of logistics; it was how he managed to secure funding for an organization that could hemorrhage money like no other. The operating costs alone were staggering, not to mention research and training funds, construction for the branches across the world, and the Evangelion units themselves. While Nerv's shadowy benefactors in Seele controlled much and provided accordingly, nothing was absolute. Gendo had to walk a fine line. Of course with Malphas appearance and the utter failure of the UN forces to deal with it his life had gotten significantly easier.

Gendo was no fool, nor was he an idiot. On the latter, he actually possessed a keen mind when it came to simple, common sense. On the latter, it was easy to forget that while he lacked his wife's sheer genius, he had been in college alongside her. His degrees, and it was plural, were mostly in Political Science and International Law, with a smattering of Metaphysical and Theoretical Biology that allowed him to keep up with many of the programs Nerv pioneered; he was no researcher, but he understood better than most. Anyone looking into his academic records would also find a confusion Bachelors degree in World Religion, a seemingly random subject that made more sinister sense to a select few.

Regardless, Gendo's primary methodology involved logistics, and that was why he was in charge. Doctor Akagi was a significantly more brilliant mind when it came to research and Lieutenant-Colonel Katsuragi was a keen tactical and strategic thinker. Even his Vice-Commander was his superior in matters of Metaphysical Biology; Kozo was, after all, the grandfather of the field. Thus, Gendo made no attempt to countermand or overrule their directions; indeed, he was a remarkably hands off commander. Rather that attempt to control, a fool's errand if there ever was one, he used the one skill that he had in abundance that was so rare in the world: knowing people.

The key was not even manipulation, not by a long shot. That required far more investment that he could supply on a grand scale for so many people. Rather, he chose people already predisposed to work in accordance with his goals. Then, it simply came down to logistics. He set them in a sandbox, gave them toys, and said "Play."

Case in point.

"I understand your desire to get Unit 00 fully functional again as soon as possible," Doctor Akagi said, "But getting Type B armor for it was a challenge enough; completing the Type C so soon..."

"It is necessary, Dr. Akagi," Gendo replied, sparing only a moment to glance at her. The commander walked alongside his research lead, and was flanked by his Vice-Commander, an ever-present shadow. "Unit 00 is, after all, a testbed; it only makes sense that we equip it first before the others."

"I know that, it's not that it doesn't make sense, it's just..."

"You are unsure of the deadline."

"My crew is working double shifts as it is, Commander," she said with a frown, "The Third Child arrives in three weeks, and with her comes almost a dozen other pieces of equipment they've been developing over in Berlin. You want me to have Unit 00 not only functioning, but functioning enough to utilize the ABE by the time it gets there, while _also _getting the Firsts thawed out and functional for activation tests within a week of the Third's arrival. AND we have the information coming on from Groom Lake."

"If I did not know you could do it, Ritsuko, than I wouldn't have asked you to do it." Gendo said. The head of Project E sighed; she knew what he was doing, using her name, making it seem like a request. Damn him for being so good at his job, and damn her for being so weak. She nodded.

"It'll be done, but the budget committee isn't going to like it."

"Leave them to me," Gendo replied with a small smile, "They will come to understand our necessity soon enough."

Doctor Akagi said nothing more as Gendo stopped, simply nodding to him and heading off to her office; she had much to do.

"Doctor," Gendo said, causing her to stop and look back at him over her shoulder, "After the activation, I want all priority to go to the Type F and G equipment."

She stared. And then she sighed. And then she nodded.

Gendo turned and headed back. For the briefest of moments, both the head of Project E and the commander of Nerv had a very similar thought. They would be very busy in these coming few weeks. There was, as always, no rest for the wicked.

][–][

_March, 2019 :: Geofront, Tokyo-3, Japan :: Central Dogma, NERV-1, Research Wing :: 17 AW (After Wormwood)_

While it had been said that logistics was a professionals game, it was unfair to say that tactics were irrelevant. According to Lieutenant-Colonel Misato Katsuragi, tactical operations commander for Nerv-1 (and by extension Nerv as a whole), veteran of the Third Gulf War and the Georgian Crisis, decorated by Japan, Georgia, and the Mesopotamian Commonwealth for her actions, logistics were all well and good but they didn't put bullets down range. Logistics got you the gun, and got you to the enemy, but when it came to actually ending the poor son of a bitch then logistics went out the window and became a game of tactics.

Not strategy; strategy was the middle child of war, caught between logistics on the macro end and tactics on the micro. Strategy was longer term, bigger, and as a result inheriently more fragile than tactics. Misato did not care for it for that reason; she sternly refused to be called a strategist. Her parents were married she would say. She was a tactician, not some bastard in between.

Now, it must be said that Misato had no real _opposition _to logistics, but simply recognized they were not her forte. Thus, the fact that she loved logistics was also very accurate. After all, they were who got her all her fun toys. Which is, of course, why she was half-bent over her long time friend's desk, cheshire grin upon her face.

"You could at least try to act professional," Ritsuko said with a sigh, not the least bit surprised by her friends actions. It was somewhat amusing, even, that a woman with so much tactical acumen hadn't the least bit of tact in her entire body.

"Ah, come on, you know I can't stand being kept in the dark! The rumors are everywhere! It's not fair to keep someone like me in the dark!"

"Putting stock in the rumors of the grunts isn't a great idea, Colonel," the head of Project E said with a slight chuckle and grin. Misato feigned a pained expression in response.

"You're just lucky they're right this time; second branch is shipping over a number of pieces, including parts to refit Unit 00 to full Combat status rather that Provisional," she said, letting that sink in. The researcher knew her friend quite well, correctly predicting the joyous expression that crossed her face. Toys! New toys! New things to smack the colossal monsters around with. Ritsuko found it comforting that with all the change in the world, particularly as of late, she could at least rely on the consistency of her oldest friend. She wasn't done yet, however...

"And," she began, letting it hang to tease Misasto for the briefest of moments. The Lieutenant-Colonel stared with rapt attention, "The Third Child is coming with it."

Misato stared for a moment, then a confused expression crossed her face. She knew full well who the Third Child was, having spent over a two years as her guardian during her time in Berlin.

"Wait, but... they're shipping Unit 02 here already? Berlin is still in testing phases, isn't it?"

"I didn't say they were shipping Unit 02 over yet, just a pilot. The Fourth Child will be promoted to primary pilot of Unit 02."

"But, we only have one wo..." Misato caught herself, implications of her friends statement sinking in. Nerv was not stupid; they'd never send a third pilot when they already had two in Tokyo-3, even if one was currently incapacitated. That was, after all, the purpose of a backup. Nerv-1 already had Shinji. Moreover, there was nothing in any of the Marduk Reports that indicated that Asuka would be able to sync with Unit 00 anyway, so that really left only one option.

"You're going to try another activation test."

"We have to; the last attack showed that having a single Evangelion unit isn't enough, but the other branches can't give theirs up just yet, or the political considerations to get them make it, at the very least, impossible in the short term," Ritsuko said, leaning back in her chair, "Plus, siting on two Evangelion's is hardly going to endear us if something goes wrong."

"Even if they don't work?"

"Reality becomes subjective once politics get involved," the scientist said with an unamused chuckle. Misato just shook her head.

"But neither Shinji or Rei could get them to do anything. I mean, Shinji's score was enough to get it activated but not enough enough to get it to move clumsily; it was way below deployment standards. Rei couldn't even get the thing to work at all!"

"I know, Misato," Ritsuko said with a frown, "I was the one running the tests, after all. However, we've got a new report, and a new software set for the link protocols, amongst other things."

"A new report?" Misato asked, suddenly curious. For years, the Marduk Report had never issued a retraction or shift. For all intents and purposes, it was absolute. A new report that changed the status? It was unprecedented. Ritsuko picked up a folder, black with gold edging, and handed it to the Lieutenant-Colonel. Mistato looked at it closely, surprised to find it was not from the Marduk Institute at all, instead from something called the Lied Initiative, it's emblem a stylized golden musical note with a single wing coming off its back. She recognized the word, knowing more than a little German as a result of her previous posting.

"Choir?" she murmurer, flipping it open. What an odd name for a group. Unconsciously, her free hand moved to run along the small icon that hung around her neck, a black cross formed out of two nails and then bound together with a third, twisted nail. It was a small memory, the only thing she really had left from her father, something he'd given to her not long before the Wormwood Impact. Tracing it was her own little nervous tick. She didn't even realize she was nervous.

What she found inside, however, seemed to make it fit perfectly.

][–][

_March, 2019 :: Tokyo-3, Japan :: Sakura Dreams Apartment Complex :: 17 AW (After Wormwood)_

The SDAT player clicked softly as it shifted to the next track. Shinji sat, alone, in one of the many rooms of his surprisingly large apartment. In this case, the room was the living room. It was his, as well, because Gendo Ikari had ceased his residence there a when Shinji turned sixteen and Yui Ikari had ceased residence there when she had stopped living. The elder Ikari hadn't nominally lived there since before that, though; he'd been spotty even before Yui had passed away. It was partly why Shinji spent so much time at the Geofront, after all. His parents were busy, important people, but they did care for him and wanted to keep him close, or so he'd thought, when he did think about it. And he did, from time to time, as he grew up. Or he had thought it, at least.

Now, Shinji couldn't remember what his mother looked like, his father having destroyed all photos of her, and he'd grown increasingly aware that his father likely always intended Shinji to join the family business, as it was. Of course, Shinji lacked much of the skills his parents possessed; despite his pedigree, he was skilled in other ways. Although he often did not admit so himself, Shinji was quite skilled and quite talented. He was a writer, and a good one at that, and his skill with the cello was nothing to scoff at. His grades weren't great, but nor were they terrible.

Some people had simply expressed dismay that he wasn't as brilliant as his parents, others simply thinking that was the way of things. Shinji rarely thought of it at all anymore; he'd decided he was simply not as good and went with it. He admitted to himself that he was not a bad person, but he wasn't remarkable or important either. Other people had told him that he was just as good, but he was just a right brain sort of person, rather than a left type as his parents. Demonstrating to everyone but himself how silly that was, Shinji had replied that, firstly, his mother had to have been extremely creative to design the things she did and, secondly, lateralization of brain function, as known in popular culture, was bad science.

Shinji liked to read. He was exposed to a lot of lite science in his time at Nerv; there were more than a few issues of Popular Science or Popular Mechanics, amongst others, littered across waiting rooms throughout Nerv, and Nerv was full of waiting rooms. He spent a lot of time waiting in them, as was both his and their function. He was a backup pilot, and a, what? Assistant? Something. He was a something to Rei. He wasn't sure what it was, officially. Unofficially, she was his friend. Or sister. Or sister-friend... she was his... Rei. There was no other word for it.  
He had come to believe that Gendo likely did care for him, and he cared very much for Rei. He was simply a horrible person, and had no idea how to care for things. Flashes of understanding, or action gave way to the vast majority of times that showed Gendo hadn't the slightest clue how to be a decent person, let alone parent. That was what Shinji thought. He'd pawned off Shinji to others, and then pawned off Rei to Shinji. Yet Gendo was never really away from either of them. Beyond being a father, sadly put, Gendo was the Commander. He was an ever-present never-presence, a distant figure that Shinji found infuriating to no end.

The younger Ikari hated the way his father acted so cold, remorseless. He hated how Gendo could order anything, no matter how cruel or unfair, without even a twinge of emotion. He hated how much Gendo used Rei (and Shinji himself, for that matter), and yet how much Rei seemed to love him for it. He didn't deserve her devotion. He hated Gendo on so many levels. Which is why Shinji hated himself, to a degree; not a strong hate, just a little, he told himself. He hated how much he simply wanted his father to be proud of him...

Usually.

Now he just wanted his father to disappear in some pit. He'd did it again, but worse than ever before. Rei was hurt more than she'd ever been. They'd thrown him out of the hospital. Well, maybe not thrown literally, but they'd made him leave. Doctor's orders, they'd said, but Shinji knew Gendo was behind it. Misato said it wasn't good for him to just stare at her like that, lying in bed. She said that Shinji shouldn't blame himself, it wasn't his fault. He'd yelled at her, told her that she was wrong; he was supposed to protect her, and he'd failed.

Misato had gotten very quiet then, and spoke very softly. Misato said Rei wanted to protect Shinji too; that's why she did what she had, to protect him, and everyone. Shinji should be proud of her, she said.

The SDAT player clicked softly as it shifted to the next track. Shinji's head leaned back and let his head hit the wall. On the other side of the wall was Rei's apartment, as empty as Shinji felt. Rei wasn't there, she was at the hospital in the Geofront, looking like she was sleeping. It was better to think of it like that. She was sleeping, that was all. Just sleeping.

Shinji, on the other hand, did not.

][–][

_March, 2019 :: Tokyo-3, Japan :: Tokyo-3 First Municipal High School :: 17 AW (After Wormwood)_

"Shin-man, you gotta stop moping around."

Shinji looked up, tired eyes finding that of his friends. They were worried about him. He should feel thankful for that, he knew, but right now he was finding it hard to be thankful for anything.

"Toji!" Hikari said, exasperated expression on her face. She was very much the mother hen to their little clique, one that seemed somewhat smaller without Shinji and Rei with it.

Rei...

"Ah, come on, he's been like this for a week now," Toji said, arms crossed, "He's gotta man up, you know? Being like this aint gonna fix nothing."

Shinji wasn't sure why he felt so angry at his friend's words. He knew he shouldn't be; they just were worried about him. He knew that, he really did. He couldn't help it, though. He let it boil out and flow through him. It was... not better, but different. He embraced the anger, the first different feeling he'd had all week, it seemed. Perhaps not totally the first; he'd felt very angry at his father, but this was different. That had become a quiet, simmering anger. This... it seemed to bubble through him.

"Would you just shut up and leave me alone!" he yelled, standing up as he did. His friends were shocked. He glanced at each of their faces, seeing the surprise and pity... and suddenly finding himself angry more at himself than them. Or maybe he was always angry at himself...

He turned on is heels and ran. Toji began after him, but Hikari caught his arm, and shook his her head.

"No, let him go... he won't want to see us right now," she said, worry showing in her voice regardless. Both Toji and Kensuke could tell it took all of her not to run off after him herself.

"Think of it this way, Toji," Kensuke said, "How would you feel if Hikari got hurt?"

Toji was about to reply when Hikari spoke up instead, shaking her head again.

"No, it's not like that. It's different," she said, oddly smiling, "It's a different sort of hurt. It's like... if your little sister Kana got hurt. You'd get angry at the one who hurt her too. But Shinji... Shinji thinks of everyone else, but always himself too. He blames himself for things first. So he's angry, just like you'd be, but he blames himself, instead of others."

"Hey, are you saying I blame people for my problems?" Toji said. Hikari just let out an exasperated sigh. She loved the boy, but god was he thick some times. She turned, finding Kensuke giving her a long-suffering look that showed he felt very much the same. That was to be expected, he supposed; Kensuke and Toji were as good as brothers, in many ways. Not quite the way Shinji was with Rei. And thankfully not the way Hikari knew Rei wished Shinji and she were. A small blush crossed her face, which she hid by hugging on her boyfriend.

"You're so thick some times, Toji," she said, "Never change."

He just looked at her, confused. She smiled, planting a small kiss on his lips.

Kensuke looked away. Didn't need to be watching that.

][–][

_March, 2019 :: Tokyo-3, Japan :: Tokyo-3 Third Municipal Hospital :: 17 AW (After Wormwood)_

The Geofront was a massive facility, part and parcel to Tokyo-3 in more ways than one. It had a number of redundant facilities, a fact that made simple strategic sense given it was harder to cripple the city by knocking out any single part of it. It also meant that Nerv could partition certain facilities for their own use, while others were more public. Third Municipal was one such facility. Close to the entrance of the Geofront, it served as the de facto Nerv medical facility, other than the ones they kept on site. However, those facilities were small, reserved for specific instances, and patients were almost always moved out of the Geofront after initial treatment for a number of reasons that Shinji knew nothing and cared nothing about.

It made things easier on him, though, now that they'd moved Rei out of the Geofront and into the hospital proper. He still could only spend so much time; visiting hours were fairly strictly enforced. However, he was able to come and go far easier now. She had arrived this morning, alert if still fairly heavily injured. It wasn't life threatening anymore, though, and now she simply needed time to recover. And sleep, lots of sleep. She was getting plenty, though, sleeping more often than not. That was why Shinji wasn't surprised when he arrived to find her fast asleep. That was fine with him, he could watch her sleep.

He was surprised, however, to find his father there as well.

Shinji said nothing as he moved up to the window that looked into her room. For several minutes, the two Ikari men simply stared into the room. Shinji stole a glance at his father, and noticed that, briefly, out of the corner of his eye, Gendo had stolen one too. The briefest of glances, the briefest of moments can mean quite a lot. Shinji found himself... calm. It was strange. He'd spent so long being angry at himself, and at his father, yet...

The younger Ikari stared at Rei for a moment, and then thought about his father. He cared. Shinji knew he did. And in that moment, Shinji's anger became pity. Gendo cared, but he was so incapable of showing it. In a way, I was sad. Deep down, Shinji was still angry at the man; he had much to answer for. But here and now, in front of Rei's room, he found himself content with just pity.

The two Ikari men stood there for quite some time. They did not speak. There was much to say. But neither of them said it.


End file.
